Welcome to this week's Melbourne events, exhibitions, sports and community guide for the week running from Tuesday April 21 - Monday April 27, 2009.
This week.. you can get your bard on with a festival that would smell just as sweet by any other name, although it does happen to be called the Shakespeare on the River Festival, and you'll find it in Stratford. There's also some fantastic music to enjoy as the Melbourne International Jazz Festival opens this week with a free concert at Fed Square. Beyond the city borders, you'll also find the Mount Beauty Festival this week, while the township of Bright celebrates Autumn with the Bright Autumn Festival - bet you didn't see that one coming.
There's also the KLM Dutch Orange Festival this weekend, where you'll have the chance to take part in a world record attempt for bicycle bell ringing. The Melbourne International Comedy Festival also winds down this week, so be sure to catch some of the finest comedy shows in town while you can.
Major Events Guide
The Glenroy Festival, held at Mott Reserve, is a Community festival with stalls, animal farm and free entertainment. This year's stage program is packed with local performers, showcasing Glenroy's fantastic talent. Special guests include Humphrey B Bear and Vasili Kanidiadis from the hit TV show "Vasili's Garden".
When:April 26 - noon to 5pm | FREE Event
Shakespeare on the River Festival in Stratford celebrates William Shakespeare's 445th Birthday this year with a program of events that includes theatre, music, story telling, puppet making workshops and more, along with the major highlights, the Avon Village Fair Day, held at Stratford's Village Green.
When:April 23 to May 7 | Village Fair Day held May 3
The Mount Beauty Music Festival offers another fantastic line-up this year with performers of blues, roots, rock, jazz, country, bush poetry and comedy. Along with fantastic entertainment the festival is also a chance to savour the local produce and wines of the North-East Alpine Valleys.
When:April 24 to 26 | Various Venues in Mount Beauty
The Bright Autumn Festival, held in the last week of April and the first week of May, celebrates two weeks of Autumn's vibrant colours and produce in the valleys of the Victorian High Country with festival highlights that include a Gala Weekend with a street market and parade, winery tours, an art show and more.
When:April 25 to May 6 | Gala Day held May 2
KLM Dutch Orange Day, held at Melbourne's Queensbridge Square, is a festive day that celebrates Queen Beatrix' birthday with this year's theme of the bicycle. Come along on your bike to participate in the world record attempt of bike-bell ringing and enjoy the Dutch foods, dancing, kids activities and more.
When:Sunday April 26 | Free Event
The Melbourne International Jazz Festival returns with an impressive program offering more than 55 events that celebrate the riches of jazz. Performances include international and Australian jazz masters, free concerts at Federation Square, Jazz for Kids, cinema screenings at ACMI and plenty of jam sessions.
When:April 26 to May 2
The Melbourne International Comedy Festival returns this year with a great program of performances by some of the best and greatest entertainers from every corner of Australia and from overseas. With shows for people of all ages at various venues in Melbourne, the festival offers comedy, circus, theatre and more.
When:Continuing Until April 26
ANZAC Day
He dreamt of his wife's garden, with its flowers in the sun,
but when a flower loudly screamed, the dream, it was undone.
He opened up his eyes and knew the battle had begun,
as it had the day before, and would, for many days to come.
He'd buttoned up his collar, when the soldier reached his tent,
he turned his face away and sighed, to hide that he was spent.
With thoughts of flowers in the sun still lingering in his head,
he regained his stone composure, General of the Regiment.
He looked across the field to where the rifles loudly roared,
where men, like broken sticks, lay scattered, twisted by the score.
And something seized the General, and it shook him to the core.
It wasn't fear or anger, it was something tired and worn.
And a soldier, looking pale, with a gash across his head,
reared up upon the General, "What's our orders, Sir?" he said.
The General said, "I don't quite know, but I would like some tea...
"Let's make us some Darjeeling and we'll sit beneath that tree.
"If history looks unfavourably upon the course we'd take,
"be thankful that it's not our book, in that, we have no stake,
"for history's written not today, but in the days to come,
"I'd rather be a footnote in the tragic things we've done.
"But if they would remember me as one who loved his tea,
"then let my name be known to all, for that is what I'll be.
"I'd rather spill the sugar than the blood when all is done...
"But none the less be careful, as you pass that sugar, son."
Dr Norman Doidge, world renowned scientist and author of the bestselling book, 'The Brain that Changes Itself', will present two seminars this week, held on the same day at Northcote Town Hall. A psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, researcher, author, essayist and poet, his seminars offer an understanding of human nature.
When:May 27 - 2pm to 4:30pm & 7pm to 9:30pm
Tuxedo Junction 2009 - Get Happy! - Tuxedo Junction is a charity ball that will be held in aid of The Cancer Council at the beautiful Plaza Ballroom. With an emphasis on first class food and entertainment, the event features live musical theatre with some of Australia brightest stars and the B# Big Band.
NEW LIVE CALENDAR
To find out about future events in Melbourne, have a look at our new calendar, with details about many more events that lie ahead, including Exhibitions, Gigs, Markets, Expos and more..
The Camberwell Rotary Art Show, now in its fifth year and held at its traditional venue the Camberwell Centre, is ranked among the largest traditional competitions, displays and sales of paintings in the Southern Hemisphere, raising funds for community needs serviced by the Rotary Club of Camberwell.
When:April 25 to May 2
Pretty as a Picture, held at Fad Gallery in Melbourne's Corrs Lane, is an exhibition of stencil art by Tal Brott. The exhibition comprises spray enamel works using a unique stencilling technique with subject matter as diverse as Arnold Shwartzeneggar in bathers to Darth Vader in fetish gear.
When:Opening Held April 22 - 6pm | Ends:May 12
50 Years of Hope & Courage, a photo exhibition held in the foyer of Albert Park's Gasworks, marks 50 years since the Dalai Lama fled into exile and Tibetans rose up against Chinese rule in Tibet. Presented by the Australia Tibet Council, the unique photos highlight the determination of Tibetans to preserve their heritage.
When:Open Daily - 9am to 5pm | Ends:May 2
Central Periphery, showing at the RMIT Gallery in Swanston Street, brings together the work of six Northern European artists. Curated by Scottish artist Alan Johnston, whose drawings are featured, the exhibition explores ideas of landscape and spaces through minimal abstraction, alternative drawing and installation.
When:Mondays to Saturdays | Ends:May 23
Do You See What I See is a solo exhibition by Neil F Wyatt, held at the Kingston Arts Centre Gallery in Moorabbin. The recent winner of last year's 'He' exhibition at Walker Street Gallery, Wyatt's powerful and confronting surrealistic paintings will challenge and engage the imagination.
When:Mondays to Saturdays | Ends:April 28
Expos, Tours & Open Days
National Carpenters' Day will be celebrated at The Palmerston in South Melbourne when carpenters and apprentices can enjoy a free sausage sizzle, a professional massage from the Three Minute Angels on the day and even have a chance to win a Hitachi Power Tools Megapack, valued at $2,500.
When:Tuesday April 21 - 4pm to 6pm
Shaping Elegance, held at Como Historic House and Garden in South Yarra, is a fashion exhibition that showcases the work and designs of Robert Fritzlaff, a master craftsman who stood out and established his reputation in the late 1960s. The designer himself will be part of special tours on selected dates.
When:Open Daily - 10am to 5pm | Ends:June 14
Next Tour - April 15 | Bookings Required
Performances & Theatre
The Yeomen of the Guard, performed by the Gilbert and Sullivan Light Opera Company, is an operetta that was considered by the duo to be the finest of all their collaborative works. The story of Colonel Fairfax, a man wrongly condemned to death, shows are held at the Alexander Theatre in Clayton.
When:April 24, 25 & May 1, 2
Call Girl the Musical, playing at Chapel Off Chapel in Prahran, is a love story set in the factory of the future where Jean Brown, on her first day at 'We Care Marketing', encounters the many flawed characters of the dubious and somewhat relentless call centre and does her best to fit in despite her reservations.
When:Tuesdays to Sundays | Ends:May 3
Secret Bridesmaids' Business is Elizabeth Coleman's play that takes a humorous look at some serious pre-wedding issues including truth, denial, sex, love and friendship. Written by Elizabeth Coleman who gave us SeaChange, and featuring Jacki Weaver, performances are held at the Arts Centre's Playhouse.
When:Runs Until May 10
The Underpants, presented by Curve 8, is Steve Martin's adaptation of Carl Sternheim's 1910 farce in which Louise Maske's world turns upside down when she finds her underpants around her ankles during a parade for the King, setting forth a chain of comedic events and absurd behaviour.
When: Thursdays to Sundays | Ends:May 3
Dralion is the latest show by Cirque du Soleil. With performances held under their trademark blue and yellow Grand Chapiteau in Docklands, the show is a fusion of ancient Chinese circus traditions and the avant-garde approach of Cirque du Soleil which has made them the world's most renowned circus performers.
When:Tuesdays to Sundays | Ends:June 14
Cristal Burlesque, held each week at the Chapel Street bar, Cristal, showcases some of Australia's finest Burlesque performers with circus and vaudeville acts, regular international guests and DJs playing sultry blues at one of Melbourne's most luxurious venues and decadent events.
When:Every Sunday - Doors Open 7pm
Attack of the B-Grade Movie, by improv group the Baby Seals, is an inventive comedy playing at Fad Gallery that features terrifying monsters, swooning heroes, the obligatory 5-foot femme fatale and much more as the audience helps screenwriter Donald Mayer churn out his latest B-grade movie script.
When:Tuesday to Sunday | Ends:April 19
Classical Music & Recitals
The Melbourne Musicians will be presenting a performance of works by Handel, Haydn and Hummel when they'll be joined by French Canadian violist Eric Soucy. Held at Southbank's Malthouse Theatre, the performance includes a Handel Clarinet Concerto performedby Jason Xanthoudakis.
When:Wednesday April 22
The Lunchtime Concert Series, presented by the School of Music-Conservatorium at Clayton's Monash University, provides staff, students and the community a chance to enjoy a musical lunch break. Performed each Thursday, this week's concert is Poetic Thoughts with Copland's songs of Emily Dickinson.
When:Thurs April 23 - 1.10 to 1.50pm | $4 Entry
Dance Performances
The weight of the thing left its mark, presented by Shaun McLeod and Carlton North's Dancehouse, is a new dance performance about the strength and frailty of human purpose, while possessing tones that are austere, uncertain and comic as it examines relationships under constant negotiation.
When:April 23 to April 26
Entertainment & Nightlife
Donna & The Aspinauts - Donna Williams will perform with Victoria's first autism-spectrum band The Aspinauts this week at Ruby's Lounge in Belgrave. With Donna's vocal delivery reminiscent of Laurie Anderson, the band has a unique performance with video backdrops and gestural signing.
When:Tuesday April 21 - 9pm | FREE Entry
The Melbourne Folk Club meet each weekend to enjoy live acoustic music, offering a great afternoon with CDs available by local performers. Performances are held at the Grandview Hotel in West Brunswick with the next performance featuring Pete Hawkes, one of the most creative composers for acoustic music.
When:Saturday April 25 - 3pm to 6pm
Cariño Son, a seven-piece combo who play traditional Cuban music reminiscent of the Buena Vista Social Club, will be performing at Melbourne's Belgian Beer Cafe. Capturing the feel of the bars and nightclubs of Havana, their performances are bound to inspire even wallflowers to get up and try some Latin moves.
When:Sunday April 26 - 3pm to 6pm
South Side Funk features the funkiest DJ's from both Melbourne and interstate playing true old-school funk like you'll never find at any other venue. Held at Big Mouth, located in St Kilda, South Side Funk is the hottest place in Melbourne for all you money-maker shakers to get down with groovy basslines.
When:Every Friday Night | FREE Entry
Cinema
Laskar Pelangi | Melbourne Screening - Indonesia's 'most influential and phenomenal movie of all time' will screen at the Greater Union Cinema this week on ANZAC day. Part of a six city Australian tour of the movie, the film is a movie adaptation of the best seller novel by young Indonesian novelist Andrea Hirata.
When:April 25 - 3 Screenings Only
The Audi Festival of German Films is an eclectic and versatile mix of German films screening at Kino Cinemas and Palace Cinema Como. Now in its 8th year, the festival showcases the latest and best of Germany's prolific cinema with this year marking the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall.
When:Continuing until April 28
The Melbourne Turkish Film Festival, held at ACMI Cinemas at Federation Square, features a program of eight great films from Turkey that includes internationally acclaimed films and cult classics from Turkey's cinema vaults that explore universal issues and human emotions in Turkish contexts.
When:Runs Until April 24
Comedy
The Al Pitcher Show sees the return to Melbourne of UK-born, Kiwi raised, yet Swedish residing Al Pitcher with a new show that features imagery caught on his digital camera each day woven into each nights show, making each performance at Melbourne bar, Roxanne, a unique one like no other.
When:Tuesday to Sunday | Ends:April 26
Let's Get Mystical, held at South Melbourne's Butterfly Club, is a performance by ex-aerobics instructor turned mystic yogi, healer and cult victim rescuer, Karmin Suitrout (otherwise known as Noni Dunstone), whose comedy show can teach you how to be a multi-career women and still be at one with the universe.
When:Thursday to Sunday | Ends:April 26
Pablo Francisco, a comedian whose shows have been a sell-out success in both America and Europe, will be making his Australian debut this week during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Appearing at The Palms at Crown, his vocal abilities have seen him lending his voice to shows that include Family Guy.
When:Saturday April 25 | One Night Only
The Big Laugh Out, held at Federation Square, is a series of performances held during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. With family friendly performances by CocoLoco, Anna Pocket Rocket, shadow puppetry and more, Kinetic Theatre's quirky Robotic Petting Zoo will also be on display.
When:Friday to Sunday Until April 25 | Free Event
Bunker Five, by The Delusionists, is a surrealist comedy about the world ending not with a bang, but a chorus of cooing as the Earth is overrun with rabid pigeons. Set below the surface in a labyrinth of bunkers, the performance features existentialist dilemmas, competitive squash and an abundance of mayonnaise.
When:Tuesday to Sunday | Ends:April 26
Am I Strange? is the latest show by rising stand up comic, Celia Pacquola, who stepped into the limelight in 2006's Raw Comedy, winning the prize for Best First Time Entrant after only a handful of gigs. Inviting you inside her mind to question how strange she is, she's performing at Melbourne Town Hall.
Check Out! is a wickedly funny work of theatre about the child consumer bonanza. Set in a supermarket, the puppetry performance follows the remarkable adventures of a tantrum throwing baby who is determined to get what she wants. It will be appearing at Warragul Arts Centre.
Fed Square Safari - Join Richard Richards, Expert Tour-guide in Training and his giraffe Gerard on a whirlwind adventure through Melbourne's civic heart where you'll see the city through new eyes and meet a cast of crazy characters in a side-splitting romp through Melbourne's rich cultural heritage.
When:April 25 & 26 - 1.30pm | Bookings Advised
The Street Science Hip Hop Workshop is a free monthly workshop where kids and teens can learn the art of legal aerosol art with the Street Science team, some of the most talented, experienced and friendliest of the Australian hip-hop community. The workshop takes place at The Venue in Noble Park.
When:April 22 - 6pm to 9pm | All Ages Event
Kid Disco is at the Chelsea Heights Hotel where kids can enjoy all the fun of a primary school disco kicked up a notch! With two sessions held every Saturday afternoon, Kid Disco features professional DJ's, a disco light show and dance instructors who perform and offer dancing tips. Entry includes a meal on the day.
When:Saturdays - 1pm to 3pm & 4pm to 6pm | $11 Entry
Potted Potter, performed at Melbourne Town Hall, is a hilarious presentation of all seven Harry Potter books in seventy minutes! Double act Dan and Jeff cheekily take on the ultimate challenge, with the help of endless costumes, brilliant songs, ridiculous props, and lots of Hogwarts magic.
When:Saturday & Sunday | Ends:April 26
DinoStory | Sand Sculpting Exhibition - Sand Sculpting Australia will again present a special display at the Frankston Waterfront with their newest theme, DinoStory. Featuring the work of sculptors from Australia and overseas, the sand carvings take the form of dinosaurs in stunning detail.
When:Daily (Subject to Weather) | Ends:April 26
Circus Shows
Silvers Grand Magic Circus will be appearing in Geelong with performances held at Belmont Common. Established in 1976, Silvers Grand Magic Circus offers a great show for the whole family, with everything from jugglers and clowns to acrobats, international performers and much more.
When:Held Various Days | Ends:April 26
Puzzles & Competitions
Spot The Difference
There are 5 Differences between these two pictures of the McClelland Gallery in Langwarrin... See if you can spot them! Sign up for answers revealed in Next Week's Newsletter
Last week's answers are further down with Melbourne Trivia
My Picturetown is a special offer to OnlyMelbourne readers from NIKON, the worlds recognised leader in photography. Register as a member (FREE!) and enter the draw for a chance to win great prizes while also enjoying 20 GB of free storage for your prized and precious photographs!
When:Promotional Draw Ends April 30
Community
What's the Hurry? Reclaiming Childhood - The City of Melbourne will present a special discussion by Kathy Walker, regular contributor to Melbourne's Education Age. Held at the Harbour Family and Children's Centre in Docklands, the seminar addressing the importance of play for children is free.
When:April 23 - 6.30pm to 8.30pm | Bookings Essential
The Mums' Tennis Program, one of Tennis Victoria's most popular programs for mums, will be appearing at various local tennis clubs, offering an affordable series of lessons at just $15 for five weeks of qualified tennis coaching. Participating parents can also enrol the kids in the Tiny Tots Tennis Program.
When:April 27 to May 29 | Various Tennis Clubs
The Summerhill Dance Group hold a social event for people of all ages and backgrounds each week at the Oakhill Community Centre in Reservoir. Supported by Darebin Council, the dance evenings feature music from a professional D.J. playing strict tempo music for people of all dance level skills.
When:Each Friday - 7:30pm to 11pm
Speakers Forum | Soapbox Oratory - Soapbox orators (that means you if you've something to say) can take turns speaking on various topics and viewpoints on the State Library Lawns. Questions, comments, heckling and interjections are welcome from all, simply turn up on the day to participate or listen.
When:Each Sunday Afternoon - 3pm to 6pm
You Can Help
There are many social causes that are relevant to people from all walks of life, many of which rely on public support to better the community or assist those who are less fortunate or to benefit others. This week we ask you to consider the following..
Save Gorillas With Zoos Victoria - In April this year you can help protect the habitat of gorillas in Africa and also win a behind the scenes visit with Melbourne Zoo's gorilla family! All you have to do is bring your old mobile phone when you visit Melbourne Zoo, Healesville Sanctuary or Werribee Open Range Zoo.
Swear Stop | Give It Up for Schizophrenia - If you or others you know have a tendency to let a naughty word slip, why not put that habit to the test by giving up swearing for a week or encouraging them to do the same and help the Schizophrenia Research Institute raise money for important research.
View MARKETS on any day of the week to make the most of the rare sunny days (it's a coin toss lately, isn't it!) and head to one of Melbourne's many excellent markets, fetes and fairs for a bargain!
A growing number of food, produce and even wine markets are always popping up around the suburbs. And don't forget garage sales!
Cleanskins.com sell premium Australian wines direct to the public at up to 50% off retail prices, offering Free Home Delivery and a 100% Money Back Guarantee. Perfect for all lovers of wine, their impressive range of wines and service were recommended on Channel 7's Today Tonight and Channel 9's A Current Affair.
Dining Specials - Save Up To 20% on Your Bill Menulog is the easiest way to book a restaurant online with over 4000 restaurant listings! By booking online through Menulog you can enjoy fine food and save money with special deals offering discounts on total food bills, complimentary wine and drinks, discount group bookings and much, much more! Visit Here For The Latest Deals With Menulog!!
Menulog Home Delivery is a great chance to eat fine cuisine at home! With over 300 of the best restaurants on offer, you're sure to find something to suit any taste or occasion.
To find fast and easy delivery in your area, Visit Here
OnlyMelbourne Welcomes..
Each week we highlight some of the latest additions to OnlyMelbourne's ever growing guide to services, businesses and information sites for your community.
To find out how you can join Melbourne's largest online community Visit Here!
Inspectors Galore, Australia's leading online directory of building inspectors and consultants, takes the worry away for you by providing quick and easy access to professional inspectors and conveyancors that can inspect and advise on every aspect of your purchase or building project. Find building inspectors and consultants fast with Inspectors Galore!
This week we suggest the following:
Greenfleet - Reduce your car's impact on the environment...
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The site of the popular Queen Victoria Market, which first opened in 1878, was once a cemetery. To this day there are still roughly 9,000 people buried under the sheds and car park of the market.
There is a memorial that honours the people buried at the site on the corner of Queen Street and Therry Street.
Speaking of what's on, our new calendar allows you to select any day of the year to view everything (everything!!!) on that day in an easy to read, printable display.
-:- View What's On Calendar
-:- View Markets Only Calendar
Melbourne On The Phone
OnlyMelbourne is now mobile phone compatible. Yes, our pages are formatted to be viewed on the small screen. To view our mobile phone website, go directly to our home page with your web compatible mobile phone and you will automatically be redirected to the mobile compatible version of OnlyMelbourne.
Welcome to this week's Melbourne events, exhibitions, sports and community guide for the week running from Tuesday April 21 - Monday April 27, 2009.
This week.. you can get your bard on with a festival that would smell just as sweet by any other name, although it does happen to be called the Shakespeare on the River Festival, and you'll find it in Stratford. There's also some fantastic music to enjoy as the Melbourne International Jazz Festival opens this week with a free concert at Fed Square. Beyond the city borders, you'll also find the Mount Beauty Festival this week, while the township of Bright celebrates Autumn with the Bright Autumn Festival - bet you didn't see that one coming.
There's also the KLM Dutch Orange Festival this weekend, where you'll have the chance to take part in a world record attempt for bicycle bell ringing. The Melbourne International Comedy Festival also winds down this week, so be sure to catch some of the finest comedy shows in town while you can.
Major Events Guide
The Glenroy Festival, held at Mott Reserve, is a Community festival with stalls, animal farm and free entertainment. This year's stage program is packed with local performers, showcasing Glenroy's fantastic talent. Special guests include Humphrey B Bear and Vasili Kanidiadis from the hit TV show "Vasili's Garden".
When:April 26 - noon to 5pm | FREE Event
Shakespeare on the River Festival in Stratford celebrates William Shakespeare's 445th Birthday this year with a program of events that includes theatre, music, story telling, puppet making workshops and more, along with the major highlights, the Avon Village Fair Day, held at Stratford's Village Green.
When:April 23 to May 7 | Village Fair Day held May 3
The Mount Beauty Music Festival offers another fantastic line-up this year with performers of blues, roots, rock, jazz, country, bush poetry and comedy. Along with fantastic entertainment the festival is also a chance to savour the local produce and wines of the North-East Alpine Valleys.
When:April 24 to 26 | Various Venues in Mount Beauty
The Bright Autumn Festival, held in the last week of April and the first week of May, celebrates two weeks of Autumn's vibrant colours and produce in the valleys of the Victorian High Country with festival highlights that include a Gala Weekend with a street market and parade, winery tours, an art show and more.
When:April 25 to May 6 | Gala Day held May 2
KLM Dutch Orange Day, held at Melbourne's Queensbridge Square, is a festive day that celebrates Queen Beatrix' birthday with this year's theme of the bicycle. Come along on your bike to participate in the world record attempt of bike-bell ringing and enjoy the Dutch foods, dancing, kids activities and more.
When:Sunday April 26 | Free Event
The Melbourne International Jazz Festival returns with an impressive program offering more than 55 events that celebrate the riches of jazz. Performances include international and Australian jazz masters, free concerts at Federation Square, Jazz for Kids, cinema screenings at ACMI and plenty of jam sessions.
When:April 26 to May 2
The Melbourne International Comedy Festival returns this year with a great program of performances by some of the best and greatest entertainers from every corner of Australia and from overseas. With shows for people of all ages at various venues in Melbourne, the festival offers comedy, circus, theatre and more.
When:Continuing Until April 26
ANZAC Day
He dreamt of his wife's garden, with its flowers in the sun,
but when a flower loudly screamed, the dream, it was undone.
He opened up his eyes and knew the battle had begun,
as it had the day before, and would, for many days to come.
He'd buttoned up his collar, when the soldier reached his tent,
he turned his face away and sighed, to hide that he was spent.
With thoughts of flowers in the sun still lingering in his head,
he regained his stone composure, General of the Regiment.
He looked across the field to where the rifles loudly roared,
where men, like broken sticks, lay scattered, twisted by the score.
And something seized the General, and it shook him to the core.
It wasn't fear or anger, it was something tired and worn.
And a soldier, looking pale, with a gash across his head,
reared up upon the General, "What's our orders, Sir?" he said.
The General said, "I don't quite know, but I would like some tea...
"Let's make us some Darjeeling and we'll sit beneath that tree.
"If history looks unfavourably upon the course we'd take,
"be thankful that it's not our book, in that, we have no stake,
"for history's written not today, but in the days to come,
"I'd rather be a footnote in the tragic things we've done.
"But if they would remember me as one who loved his tea,
"then let my name be known to all, for that is what I'll be.
"I'd rather spill the sugar than the blood when all is done...
"But none the less be careful, as you pass that sugar, son."
Dr Norman Doidge, world renowned scientist and author of the bestselling book, 'The Brain that Changes Itself', will present two seminars this week, held on the same day at Northcote Town Hall. A psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, researcher, author, essayist and poet, his seminars offer an understanding of human nature.
When:May 27 - 2pm to 4:30pm & 7pm to 9:30pm
Tuxedo Junction 2009 - Get Happy! - Tuxedo Junction is a charity ball that will be held in aid of The Cancer Council at the beautiful Plaza Ballroom. With an emphasis on first class food and entertainment, the event features live musical theatre with some of Australia brightest stars and the B# Big Band.
NEW LIVE CALENDAR
To find out about future events in Melbourne, have a look at our new calendar, with details about many more events that lie ahead, including Exhibitions, Gigs, Markets, Expos and more..
The Camberwell Rotary Art Show, now in its fifth year and held at its traditional venue the Camberwell Centre, is ranked among the largest traditional competitions, displays and sales of paintings in the Southern Hemisphere, raising funds for community needs serviced by the Rotary Club of Camberwell.
When:April 25 to May 2
Pretty as a Picture, held at Fad Gallery in Melbourne's Corrs Lane, is an exhibition of stencil art by Tal Brott. The exhibition comprises spray enamel works using a unique stencilling technique with subject matter as diverse as Arnold Shwartzeneggar in bathers to Darth Vader in fetish gear.
When:Opening Held April 22 - 6pm | Ends:May 12
50 Years of Hope & Courage, a photo exhibition held in the foyer of Albert Park's Gasworks, marks 50 years since the Dalai Lama fled into exile and Tibetans rose up against Chinese rule in Tibet. Presented by the Australia Tibet Council, the unique photos highlight the determination of Tibetans to preserve their heritage.
When:Open Daily - 9am to 5pm | Ends:May 2
Central Periphery, showing at the RMIT Gallery in Swanston Street, brings together the work of six Northern European artists. Curated by Scottish artist Alan Johnston, whose drawings are featured, the exhibition explores ideas of landscape and spaces through minimal abstraction, alternative drawing and installation.
When:Mondays to Saturdays | Ends:May 23
Do You See What I See is a solo exhibition by Neil F Wyatt, held at the Kingston Arts Centre Gallery in Moorabbin. The recent winner of last year's 'He' exhibition at Walker Street Gallery, Wyatt's powerful and confronting surrealistic paintings will challenge and engage the imagination.
When:Mondays to Saturdays | Ends:April 28
Expos, Tours & Open Days
National Carpenters' Day will be celebrated at The Palmerston in South Melbourne when carpenters and apprentices can enjoy a free sausage sizzle, a professional massage from the Three Minute Angels on the day and even have a chance to win a Hitachi Power Tools Megapack, valued at $2,500.
When:Tuesday April 21 - 4pm to 6pm
Shaping Elegance, held at Como Historic House and Garden in South Yarra, is a fashion exhibition that showcases the work and designs of Robert Fritzlaff, a master craftsman who stood out and established his reputation in the late 1960s. The designer himself will be part of special tours on selected dates.
When:Open Daily - 10am to 5pm | Ends:June 14
Next Tour - April 15 | Bookings Required
Performances & Theatre
The Yeomen of the Guard, performed by the Gilbert and Sullivan Light Opera Company, is an operetta that was considered by the duo to be the finest of all their collaborative works. The story of Colonel Fairfax, a man wrongly condemned to death, shows are held at the Alexander Theatre in Clayton.
When:April 24, 25 & May 1, 2
Call Girl the Musical, playing at Chapel Off Chapel in Prahran, is a love story set in the factory of the future where Jean Brown, on her first day at 'We Care Marketing', encounters the many flawed characters of the dubious and somewhat relentless call centre and does her best to fit in despite her reservations.
When:Tuesdays to Sundays | Ends:May 3
Secret Bridesmaids' Business is Elizabeth Coleman's play that takes a humorous look at some serious pre-wedding issues including truth, denial, sex, love and friendship. Written by Elizabeth Coleman who gave us SeaChange, and featuring Jacki Weaver, performances are held at the Arts Centre's Playhouse.
When:Runs Until May 10
The Underpants, presented by Curve 8, is Steve Martin's adaptation of Carl Sternheim's 1910 farce in which Louise Maske's world turns upside down when she finds her underpants around her ankles during a parade for the King, setting forth a chain of comedic events and absurd behaviour.
When: Thursdays to Sundays | Ends:May 3
Dralion is the latest show by Cirque du Soleil. With performances held under their trademark blue and yellow Grand Chapiteau in Docklands, the show is a fusion of ancient Chinese circus traditions and the avant-garde approach of Cirque du Soleil which has made them the world's most renowned circus performers.
When:Tuesdays to Sundays | Ends:June 14
Cristal Burlesque, held each week at the Chapel Street bar, Cristal, showcases some of Australia's finest Burlesque performers with circus and vaudeville acts, regular international guests and DJs playing sultry blues at one of Melbourne's most luxurious venues and decadent events.
When:Every Sunday - Doors Open 7pm
Attack of the B-Grade Movie, by improv group the Baby Seals, is an inventive comedy playing at Fad Gallery that features terrifying monsters, swooning heroes, the obligatory 5-foot femme fatale and much more as the audience helps screenwriter Donald Mayer churn out his latest B-grade movie script.
When:Tuesday to Sunday | Ends:April 19
Classical Music & Recitals
The Melbourne Musicians will be presenting a performance of works by Handel, Haydn and Hummel when they'll be joined by French Canadian violist Eric Soucy. Held at Southbank's Malthouse Theatre, the performance includes a Handel Clarinet Concerto performedby Jason Xanthoudakis.
When:Wednesday April 22
The Lunchtime Concert Series, presented by the School of Music-Conservatorium at Clayton's Monash University, provides staff, students and the community a chance to enjoy a musical lunch break. Performed each Thursday, this week's concert is Poetic Thoughts with Copland's songs of Emily Dickinson.
When:Thurs April 23 - 1.10 to 1.50pm | $4 Entry
Dance Performances
The weight of the thing left its mark, presented by Shaun McLeod and Carlton North's Dancehouse, is a new dance performance about the strength and frailty of human purpose, while possessing tones that are austere, uncertain and comic as it examines relationships under constant negotiation.
When:April 23 to April 26
Entertainment & Nightlife
Donna & The Aspinauts - Donna Williams will perform with Victoria's first autism-spectrum band The Aspinauts this week at Ruby's Lounge in Belgrave. With Donna's vocal delivery reminiscent of Laurie Anderson, the band has a unique performance with video backdrops and gestural signing.
When:Tuesday April 21 - 9pm | FREE Entry
The Melbourne Folk Club meet each weekend to enjoy live acoustic music, offering a great afternoon with CDs available by local performers. Performances are held at the Grandview Hotel in West Brunswick with the next performance featuring Pete Hawkes, one of the most creative composers for acoustic music.
When:Saturday April 25 - 3pm to 6pm
Cariño Son, a seven-piece combo who play traditional Cuban music reminiscent of the Buena Vista Social Club, will be performing at Melbourne's Belgian Beer Cafe. Capturing the feel of the bars and nightclubs of Havana, their performances are bound to inspire even wallflowers to get up and try some Latin moves.
When:Sunday April 26 - 3pm to 6pm
South Side Funk features the funkiest DJ's from both Melbourne and interstate playing true old-school funk like you'll never find at any other venue. Held at Big Mouth, located in St Kilda, South Side Funk is the hottest place in Melbourne for all you money-maker shakers to get down with groovy basslines.
When:Every Friday Night | FREE Entry
Cinema
Laskar Pelangi | Melbourne Screening - Indonesia's 'most influential and phenomenal movie of all time' will screen at the Greater Union Cinema this week on ANZAC day. Part of a six city Australian tour of the movie, the film is a movie adaptation of the best seller novel by young Indonesian novelist Andrea Hirata.
When:April 25 - 3 Screenings Only
The Audi Festival of German Films is an eclectic and versatile mix of German films screening at Kino Cinemas and Palace Cinema Como. Now in its 8th year, the festival showcases the latest and best of Germany's prolific cinema with this year marking the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall.
When:Continuing until April 28
The Melbourne Turkish Film Festival, held at ACMI Cinemas at Federation Square, features a program of eight great films from Turkey that includes internationally acclaimed films and cult classics from Turkey's cinema vaults that explore universal issues and human emotions in Turkish contexts.
When:Runs Until April 24
Comedy
The Al Pitcher Show sees the return to Melbourne of UK-born, Kiwi raised, yet Swedish residing Al Pitcher with a new show that features imagery caught on his digital camera each day woven into each nights show, making each performance at Melbourne bar, Roxanne, a unique one like no other.
When:Tuesday to Sunday | Ends:April 26
Let's Get Mystical, held at South Melbourne's Butterfly Club, is a performance by ex-aerobics instructor turned mystic yogi, healer and cult victim rescuer, Karmin Suitrout (otherwise known as Noni Dunstone), whose comedy show can teach you how to be a multi-career women and still be at one with the universe.
When:Thursday to Sunday | Ends:April 26
Pablo Francisco, a comedian whose shows have been a sell-out success in both America and Europe, will be making his Australian debut this week during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Appearing at The Palms at Crown, his vocal abilities have seen him lending his voice to shows that include Family Guy.
When:Saturday April 25 | One Night Only
The Big Laugh Out, held at Federation Square, is a series of performances held during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. With family friendly performances by CocoLoco, Anna Pocket Rocket, shadow puppetry and more, Kinetic Theatre's quirky Robotic Petting Zoo will also be on display.
When:Friday to Sunday Until April 25 | Free Event
Bunker Five, by The Delusionists, is a surrealist comedy about the world ending not with a bang, but a chorus of cooing as the Earth is overrun with rabid pigeons. Set below the surface in a labyrinth of bunkers, the performance features existentialist dilemmas, competitive squash and an abundance of mayonnaise.
When:Tuesday to Sunday | Ends:April 26
Am I Strange? is the latest show by rising stand up comic, Celia Pacquola, who stepped into the limelight in 2006's Raw Comedy, winning the prize for Best First Time Entrant after only a handful of gigs. Inviting you inside her mind to question how strange she is, she's performing at Melbourne Town Hall.
Check Out! is a wickedly funny work of theatre about the child consumer bonanza. Set in a supermarket, the puppetry performance follows the remarkable adventures of a tantrum throwing baby who is determined to get what she wants. It will be appearing at Warragul Arts Centre.
Fed Square Safari - Join Richard Richards, Expert Tour-guide in Training and his giraffe Gerard on a whirlwind adventure through Melbourne's civic heart where you'll see the city through new eyes and meet a cast of crazy characters in a side-splitting romp through Melbourne's rich cultural heritage.
When:April 25 & 26 - 1.30pm | Bookings Advised
The Street Science Hip Hop Workshop is a free monthly workshop where kids and teens can learn the art of legal aerosol art with the Street Science team, some of the most talented, experienced and friendliest of the Australian hip-hop community. The workshop takes place at The Venue in Noble Park.
When:April 22 - 6pm to 9pm | All Ages Event
Kid Disco is at the Chelsea Heights Hotel where kids can enjoy all the fun of a primary school disco kicked up a notch! With two sessions held every Saturday afternoon, Kid Disco features professional DJ's, a disco light show and dance instructors who perform and offer dancing tips. Entry includes a meal on the day.
When:Saturdays - 1pm to 3pm & 4pm to 6pm | $11 Entry
Potted Potter, performed at Melbourne Town Hall, is a hilarious presentation of all seven Harry Potter books in seventy minutes! Double act Dan and Jeff cheekily take on the ultimate challenge, with the help of endless costumes, brilliant songs, ridiculous props, and lots of Hogwarts magic.
When:Saturday & Sunday | Ends:April 26
DinoStory | Sand Sculpting Exhibition - Sand Sculpting Australia will again present a special display at the Frankston Waterfront with their newest theme, DinoStory. Featuring the work of sculptors from Australia and overseas, the sand carvings take the form of dinosaurs in stunning detail.
When:Daily (Subject to Weather) | Ends:April 26
Circus Shows
Silvers Grand Magic Circus will be appearing in Geelong with performances held at Belmont Common. Established in 1976, Silvers Grand Magic Circus offers a great show for the whole family, with everything from jugglers and clowns to acrobats, international performers and much more.
When:Held Various Days | Ends:April 26
Puzzles & Competitions
Spot The Difference
There are 5 Differences between these two pictures of the McClelland Gallery in Langwarrin... See if you can spot them! Sign up for answers revealed in Next Week's Newsletter
Last week's answers are further down with Melbourne Trivia
My Picturetown is a special offer to OnlyMelbourne readers from NIKON, the worlds recognised leader in photography. Register as a member (FREE!) and enter the draw for a chance to win great prizes while also enjoying 20 GB of free storage for your prized and precious photographs!
When:Promotional Draw Ends April 30
Community
What's the Hurry? Reclaiming Childhood - The City of Melbourne will present a special discussion by Kathy Walker, regular contributor to Melbourne's Education Age. Held at the Harbour Family and Children's Centre in Docklands, the seminar addressing the importance of play for children is free.
When:April 23 - 6.30pm to 8.30pm | Bookings Essential
The Mums' Tennis Program, one of Tennis Victoria's most popular programs for mums, will be appearing at various local tennis clubs, offering an affordable series of lessons at just $15 for five weeks of qualified tennis coaching. Participating parents can also enrol the kids in the Tiny Tots Tennis Program.
When:April 27 to May 29 | Various Tennis Clubs
The Summerhill Dance Group hold a social event for people of all ages and backgrounds each week at the Oakhill Community Centre in Reservoir. Supported by Darebin Council, the dance evenings feature music from a professional D.J. playing strict tempo music for people of all dance level skills.
When:Each Friday - 7:30pm to 11pm
Speakers Forum | Soapbox Oratory - Soapbox orators (that means you if you've something to say) can take turns speaking on various topics and viewpoints on the State Library Lawns. Questions, comments, heckling and interjections are welcome from all, simply turn up on the day to participate or listen.
When:Each Sunday Afternoon - 3pm to 6pm
You Can Help
There are many social causes that are relevant to people from all walks of life, many of which rely on public support to better the community or assist those who are less fortunate or to benefit others. This week we ask you to consider the following..
Save Gorillas With Zoos Victoria - In April this year you can help protect the habitat of gorillas in Africa and also win a behind the scenes visit with Melbourne Zoo's gorilla family! All you have to do is bring your old mobile phone when you visit Melbourne Zoo, Healesville Sanctuary or Werribee Open Range Zoo.
Swear Stop | Give It Up for Schizophrenia - If you or others you know have a tendency to let a naughty word slip, why not put that habit to the test by giving up swearing for a week or encouraging them to do the same and help the Schizophrenia Research Institute raise money for important research.
View MARKETS on any day of the week to make the most of the rare sunny days (it's a coin toss lately, isn't it!) and head to one of Melbourne's many excellent markets, fetes and fairs for a bargain!
A growing number of food, produce and even wine markets are always popping up around the suburbs. And don't forget garage sales!
Cleanskins.com sell premium Australian wines direct to the public at up to 50% off retail prices, offering Free Home Delivery and a 100% Money Back Guarantee. Perfect for all lovers of wine, their impressive range of wines and service were recommended on Channel 7's Today Tonight and Channel 9's A Current Affair.
Dining Specials - Save Up To 20% on Your Bill Menulog is the easiest way to book a restaurant online with over 4000 restaurant listings! By booking online through Menulog you can enjoy fine food and save money with special deals offering discounts on total food bills, complimentary wine and drinks, discount group bookings and much, much more! Visit Here For The Latest Deals With Menulog!!
Menulog Home Delivery is a great chance to eat fine cuisine at home! With over 300 of the best restaurants on offer, you're sure to find something to suit any taste or occasion.
To find fast and easy delivery in your area, Visit Here
OnlyMelbourne Welcomes..
Each week we highlight some of the latest additions to OnlyMelbourne's ever growing guide to services, businesses and information sites for your community.
To find out how you can join Melbourne's largest online community Visit Here!
Inspectors Galore, Australia's leading online directory of building inspectors and consultants, takes the worry away for you by providing quick and easy access to professional inspectors and conveyancors that can inspect and advise on every aspect of your purchase or building project. Find building inspectors and consultants fast with Inspectors Galore!
This week we suggest the following:
Greenfleet - Reduce your car's impact on the environment...
Smartvisit Card is the best way to see the sights of Melbourne, whether you're visiting Melbourne for business, a vacation, or even if you're a local wanting to find Melbourne's hidden treasures!
The Smartvisit Card includes entry to attractions such as Melbourne Zoo, Melbourne Aquarium, Old Melbourne Gaol, Telstra Dome, Cook's Cottage, Melbourne River Cruises, and many more of Melbourne's TOP venues!
Free entry to over 60 top attractions..
Visit great venues like Zoos, museums & more across Melbourne & Victoria!
Over $800 of entry fees for ONE low price..
Plus special offers & discounts!
Visit just 2 Attractions a day & you'll save!
FREE 128 page guidebook..
Tailored to local knowledge on what to see & do!
Cash free entry..
Show your card & you're in, no need for cash!
All year-round Attractions..
Whatever time of year you visit - rain or shine!
The site of the popular Queen Victoria Market, which first opened in 1878, was once a cemetery. To this day there are still roughly 9,000 people buried under the sheds and car park of the market.
There is a memorial that honours the people buried at the site on the corner of Queen Street and Therry Street.
Speaking of what's on, our new calendar allows you to select any day of the year to view everything (everything!!!) on that day in an easy to read, printable display.
-:- View What's On Calendar
-:- View Markets Only Calendar
Melbourne On The Phone
OnlyMelbourne is now mobile phone compatible. Yes, our pages are formatted to be viewed on the small screen. To view our mobile phone website, go directly to our home page with your web compatible mobile phone and you will automatically be redirected to the mobile compatible version of OnlyMelbourne.
The Glenroy Festival, held at Mott Reserve, is a Community festival with stalls, animal farm and free entertainment. This year's stage program is packed with local performers, showcasing Glenroy's fantastic talent. Special guests include Humphrey B Bear and Vasili Kanidiadis from the hit TV show "Vasili's Garden".
NEW LIVE CALENDAR 
DinoStory | Sand Sculpting Exhibition - Sand Sculpting Australia will again present a special display at the Frankston Waterfront with their newest theme, DinoStory. Featuring the work of sculptors from Australia and overseas, the sand carvings take the form of dinosaurs in stunning detail.
Silvers Grand Magic Circus will be appearing in Geelong with performances held at Belmont Common. Established in 1976, Silvers Grand Magic Circus offers a great show for the whole family, with everything from jugglers and clowns to acrobats, international performers and much more.
Speakers Forum | Soapbox Oratory - Soapbox orators (that means you if you've something to say) can take turns speaking on various topics and viewpoints on the State Library Lawns. Questions, comments, heckling and interjections are welcome from all, simply turn up on the day to participate or listen.
A growing number of food, produce and even wine markets are always popping up around the suburbs. And don't forget garage sales!
Cleanskins.com sell premium Australian wines direct to the public at up to 50% off retail prices, offering Free Home Delivery and a 100% Money Back Guarantee. Perfect for all lovers of wine, their impressive range of wines and service were recommended on Channel 7's Today Tonight and Channel 9's A Current Affair.
Dining Specials - Save Up To 20% on Your Bill 
Modern Australian Cuisine
OnlyMelbourne is now mobile phone compatible. Yes, our pages are formatted to be viewed on the small screen. To view our mobile phone website, go directly to our home page with your web compatible mobile phone and you will automatically be redirected to the mobile compatible version of OnlyMelbourne.
